In My Skin: the Sliding Universe of Autism

Friends and colleagues refer to me as a creative savant. From their perspective, this must be true. Again, references to my super-human powers. This too, seeing my output, of 4,000+ drawings and paintings, must be real. Depending on whether you see parts, or the whole, what is true is that I will no longer hide what’s in the suitcase of Jennet.

(Before we go on, my name is pronounced (in your mind, or out loud) like “Bennet”, with a “J”. Jennet jumps off the tongue, it fairly leaps, whereas any other version lingers and rolls around in your mouth until it falls out of your mouth. Like Jeannette, Janet, etc.)

Besides unpacking the suitcase containing the ever so many piles of my work, there’s the unpacking of the suitcase containing the many MASKS of mirage and distraction I’ve worn. Masks, hiding what, you ask? Let’s start with extreme-genius autism. My gift is a neurological kaleidoscope that sees, feels, and understands the world. At the very same time I have hidden my autism with a life-time of ever-evolving coping skills,

Each piece of colored glass is in the kaleidoscope is designed and created by the extraordinary gifts that make up my autism, namely that of ADHD, and synesthesia. This is the how-to technical part, more of which I will talk about. However, first, the part that really needs serious unpacking is the emotional and spiritual landscape of a life-time of autism. What does that landscape look like, and why have I hidden it from the world? The best answer are as follows: fear, safety, rejection, and crippling self-doubt. To counter the repression and pain, what have I done? I have created an absurdly enormous body of paintings, drawings, sculptures, AND public installation projects that synthesize art, science and cosmology. Enough art for 5 artists, my colleagues often remind me.

Here’s the truth: when surviving or coping (with the commercial art-world, let’s say), becomes too painful, or boring, I default to the timeless wonder of my gift. Painful and boring as trauma can be, remembered, reliving accumulated trauma has remained a daily dance for as long as I can remember. My fear of the outer world directed me to wear masks, and more masks. What‘s real is that these old masks of distraction are worn out. The paint has already peeled off.

So, here I am. But at least I’m telling the truth now! I create because the soul of my autism needs to reveal, communicate and teach languages of unending curiosity and beauty. Same time, I’m a maniac for science, especially geology and cosmology. My autism is a sliding universe. Like a planet in orbit, my universe courses alongside yours. My universe is a crystalline mind palace made out of the eternal silence of Time, of Color, Light, and the elemental Science of God. My sliding universe nurtures my inner world, my studies, and my colossal productivity; it does not, however, offer instructions about the interface I need to thrive in your world.

Until now. I am open, willing and ready for the sliding holographic universe of Jennet to be seen, devoured, or simple enjoyed. Let’s do this.

Thanks for listening.